A mother’s story - bereaved mum hopes SOS Orkney app will prevent further loss to suicide

The phone call no parent should ever receive. A decision no family should ever have to make. 

Leanne “Lanny” Sinclair passed away aged 19 on 27 September 2014 to suicide.  

Lanny’s body clung on to life for two days, but with no brain activity, the family had no choice but to accept that she was gone and agree to life support being turned off. 

Lanny’s mum, Lorraine Sinclair, says the grief can be all consuming and overwhelming, and she hopes that the new suicide prevention app can spare others the horrors that they have experienced – and continue to live every day. 

Lanny was Lorraine’s second born – arriving into the world a very healthy 11lb 3ozs on 20 November 1994. She was a shy, quiet, timed soul who loved animals and excelled at sport. 

Lanny struggled with the outside world – preferring to be at home and becoming extremely upset and anxious at anything that took her away from the place where she was most comfortable. 

She fell ill in October 2013 and was flown away for emergency surgery for removal of gall stones that were blocking her bile duct and leading to blood poisoning. Lanny recovered but was never the same. 

Lorraine said: “Lanny never said what was really bothering her, just said her usual, ‘mam stoop!’” 

But Lanny ended up attempting suicide. She was taken to hospital but discharged the next day.  

“It was really only then that I realised how serious her problems were. Summer passed and she was much the same; something just wasn't right, but she wouldn't say. I went to the doctor, raised my concerns, and got told there was nothing they could do unless she hit rock bottom. However, the next day the doctor phoned me back and decided she would write Lanny a letter, which she got, but it went straight in the bin. 

“The last week of her life in September 2014 she never let on how bad things were. Even the night before, she was trying on clothes I'd bought her and I asked her to make tea for her brother the next night - and she said ‘Yeh, no bother mum, see you tomoz’, and off she went. That was the last I spoke to her.” 

Lanny had taken her own life and despite a desperate attempt by those who found her, the damage was too severe. 

The family surrounded Lanny in her hospital bed.  

Lorraine said: “They did tests and sadly we got the devastating news that there was no brain activity. For two days we all cuddled her and cried a lot, brushing her hair, making her pretty and kissing her cheeks, spending our last minutes with her. Finally, the tubes were taken out. I held her hand, with my other hand on her heart. She fought to the end, taking ten minutes to finally slip away - something no family should ever have to go through. It was September 27, 2014.” 

Lorraine said there’s the torment of wondering if you could have done more and feels that the professional help just wasn’t there. 

“It wasn't until I read her diary, I knew the full extent of how much pain and sadness there had been in her personal life. Her death has left a huge hole in my family and friends lives that will never be replaced. 

“We all miss her terribly and she's all I think of from morning to night, I have many a cry in the car on the way home from work as I’ve kept it in all day. I think of the “ifs and buts” and what we could have done. Youngsters have so much to cope with these days - from body issues, social media, and mobile phones certainly don't help. 

“If the app helps raise awareness, can allow folk who are struggling to have a crisis plan in place – have their ‘go to’ help available if they feel things starting to spiral, then just maybe it can be enough for them to seek out the help and support they need before doing something that they can never undo. 

“Maybe it can save some other families the heartache that we are suffering. No parent should have to bury their child. I would certainly encourage everyone to download the app and have it on your device – you never know when it may just save a life.”